Your Horoscope
Possibly a regular feature - Horoscopes For October 8th 2011
Aries March 21 – April 19
All meaning will disappear from your life this week when you realize that the hokey cokey isn’t what its all about.
Taurus April 20 – May 20
You can’t seem to make up your mind about some big project you’re working on – so do what you normally do, start it and leave it on the long finger for the next couple of years. You’ll soon forget about it, like you always do. You sad hopeless case .
Gemini May 21 – June 20
Your great social energy is perfect for work, its just a shame your strapped to the bed and confined to a padded cell for the next 37 years.
Cancer June 21 – July 22
Your friends conspire against you next week when they suddenly decide to get married and start families. Thus succeeding in their sick and evil plan to make you feel old and lonely.
Leo July 23 – August 22
You are thinking quite a bit about all you do for your friends and family — and what they may or may not do for you in return. But that’s just you isn’t it? Always thinking about yourself.
Virgo August 23 – September 22
Your lack of purpose in life prompts you to reactivate your facebook account, where you find the inspiration and strength you need to carry on.
Libra September 23 – October 22
Your social network provider will contradict your star sign this week when it suddenly asks you to ‘reach out’ to unwanted old school friends.
Scorpio October 23 – November 21
Unfortunately, you will leave a DNA sample inside a body this week.
Sagittarius November 22 – December 21
Your relationship with a friend gets even closer this week after a horrific car crash and a mislabeled body part.
Capricorn December 22 – January 19
Turn away from social chit-chat and see if you can probe life’s biggest mystery, your gender.
Aquarius January 20 – February 18
Your life will be thrown into chaos when forces beyond your control cancel your tracker mortgage.
Pisces February 19 – March 20
Your generosity is magnified quite a bit this week when you donate your body to a 6-year-old pit bull terrier.